In 2011 I officially deconverted from Christianity to atheism. Also in 2011, I bought my first tarot deck (DruidCraft). For a long while, I felt I upheld duplicitous beliefs, ripe with cognitive dissonance. I didn’t know how to reconcile my spiritual side with my atheistic side. I knew in my heart that I didn’t believe in god(s), but I also still felt that our vast, expansive universe was connected by something.
I don’t pretend to know all the answers, not even close. But I know what works for me, and tarot has helped me find my answers.
When I began reading tarot for myself, I attempted navigating through a tumultuous period in life. Tarot became a friend, a trusted adviser I would turn to when I needed a helping hand. Sometimes that helping hand felt more like an emotional punch in the gut, but still, tarot was there when I needed it.
Initially, tarot was a tool for personal growth and psychological exploration. I’d look to the cards and notice its archetypes play out in my daily life. I would read cards for others as a party trick, read for myself for reflection, and that was good enough for me…
Until I began to have, yet another, spiritual existential crisis. I needed, desperately, to find meaning in this life. Certainly, there had to be something greater than myself out there. Rather than pray, I turned inward to meditate and outward to read tarot. I began with loving kindness. Each night, I would open my heart, just a little bit, allowing myself to feel compassion towards the self and others. Each day, I would draw a few cards to guide me through that day.
About a week ago, I had a (probably self induced) spiritual experience. I felt surrounded by a loving presence, and my mind was flooded with thoughts–that didn’t feel like my own–saying, “You are enough. You are loved. Be at peace.” I felt, for the first time, welcomed in my spiritual home.
There’s a part of me that acknowledges the power of brain chemistry, and the hormones that can create such experiences; however, there’s a part of me that also wonders if perhaps there’s something greater out there after all.
Spirituality takes on many forms! In the comments, tell me how spirituality influences your life. 🙂